Seeking, Finding and Receiving: Jesus in the Tenderloin

Warm and beautiful in San Francisco. Not snowing in Tahoe. Christmas is coming and this girl is ready!
I've been waiting until I could post an "it's Christmas and things are wonderful" blog post.  But things kept getting in the way. 

Every day I see, first hand, a little of how difficult Christmas is for people without homes and distant from family.  M -  has no family and, it seems, may have lost one child to death and some others when she became so depressed she couldn't function and Child Protective Services got involved.  yesterday she hugged me (a rare gift from her) and asked what I was going to do for christmas.  I said I was going to be with my daughters.  "That's good," she said. "Tell them I love them."

K has been on the streets since age 10. That's TEN for those of you who think you misread.  She once said, "I had them all fooled....I was going to school and church and nobody knew [that she was homeless]."  K's parents were addicts. She was molested in a foster home and escaped by running away.

Thursday, we had Art for the Heart. K played favorite songs - I Can Only Imagine and Amazing Grace on a laptop.  We read the Christmas story aloud.  Drank hot cider and prayed blessings over each other.  Afterward, K walked back to the YWAM base with me. Juggling backpacks and a warm coat, we talked about how to know if someone is trustworthy.  She decided a recent "new guy in town" didn't make the trustworthiness grade.  Good insight! We laughed.  She hugged me and said, "See you after Christmas. Have fun with your daughters."

In that moment I wanted to be K's mother. To replace the mom who couldn't love or keep her safe. To make her part of my family.  Yet, I know I can't fix K.  I don't have enough love to fill the empty hole left by all the people who were supposed to love and protect her - and didn't.  I don't know what to do with that longing. Except to trust God to be the Father she never had. And the mother. And to trust God to use my small, imperfect love in K's life.

Friday I sat down with MG, a woman who has just recently started to show up at Nail Day.  She told me a rambling, often repeated story of traveling here by Greyhound from Miami. Of family strung out along the East coast.  Of decisions to come to California....arriving in San Francisco and wondering where were the "guys with muscles and sunglasses...palm trees and surfers" she'd expected.

"You want San Diego!" I said. "Well, I got San Francisco," she replied. "So I guess I gotta stay 'til I decide to go back to Miami."

We talked about family. Missing those far away. She spoke of estrangement and having lost contact with siblings altogether.  
MG wished me a Merry Christmas.  Said she'd be sure to come to Nail Day in January.  Her plans? Just lay low on Christmas...maybe Glide (a local ministry that serves meals every day, 365 days a year) will have something...I don't know."  She said she was going to dance at a club on New Years Eve. I'm afraid I don't expect this to be something I'd wish for her....I'm not sure what to say. But, she lets me pray for her and  I bumble through....

So, Christmas comes. We move through advent...waiting for what hasn't yet arrived. Waiting for what we hope for and some things we know will come.  Our hope isn't in systems or people. It isn't even in good people who try hard. To place our hope in humans would be to heap a burden on their shoulders they can't carry.  Instead, Our hope is in God. In His provision and the steadiness of His love. 

This Christmas, I'm receiving kindness from people who have little.  I'm receiving blessings and the gift of personal stories from people who will spend Christmas alone or eat dinner at one of the many ministries, churches and programs offering meals for people without homes.

I've received Jesus in unexpected ways. He sent the BJM staff to a corner where we found a woman under the influence of drugs, barely dressed, and vulnerable to anyone who might use or abuse her. Instead, Father sent us to tie a shawl around her, pray for her, and call the Homeless Outreach team.  He sent us to the corner just as a man came seeking a police officer. "There's a woman passed out between cars," he said. "I'm afraid she's going to get run over."

Father sent us....and then some kind but firm police officers.  This addict evidently has fallen asleep on a manhole cover in the parking lane of a nearby street before.  The cover is warm.  Fragments of Crack cocaine might be found along the curb.  She crawls there and passes out.

So Father sent us.  To find Him.  And, in each situation, we received Him. 

Mother Teresa used to speak of "Jesus in a most distressing disguise."  She was right.  The people on the streets are Jesus - coming to meet us.  Sometimes Jesus is in the heart of someone in pain. Someone in need. And, we GET to be here. To find Him. And receive Him.

We have the privilege of seeing "the least of these" - of whom Jesus said, "when you love - or give, or care for, or feed, or wrap your scarf around.....you do it to me."  

Jesus has given himself to me. In the form of kindness. In the words of precious people who give generously out of their few resources.  In the love of woman who don't appear to have anything together. Yet, they get it together to show love and kindness to me.

Tomorrow I leave for Lake Tahoe where I get to hang out with Becky, Alex and Alex's family (also Ean Kemp!!!  One of my adopted sons who is now doing cool stuff in L.A.).  Christmas eve I'll take the bus and train to Davis where Beth and Casey will pick me up. Christmas day with Casey's mom, aunt and her wonderful partner Joey, sister Alyssa and Grandma Marjorie.   We'll eat and play table games. Open gifts and tell stories.  We'll laugh. There will be moments of missing Rich, Casey's funny, kind, father-heart step father who died this past May.

and I will receive Jesus. there, too  Jesus disguised as family. Jesus disguised as people who have welcomed me into their family circles with generosity and love. 

I am fortunate beyond words.   

My wish for all of you is to find Jesus in your Christmas. to see Him waiting for you in a family member. Looking through the eyes of the Salvation Army bell ringer or a homeless man asking for money. To hear His voice in the kind words of others - or your own kind words to others.  Jesus is waiting. 

Blessing and love.   Merry Christmas.