80 degrees in the Tenderloin! yee Hah! We're acting like true San Franciscans. People are initially thrilled. WARM! Sunny. Sky the color of, well, blue sky. Then, the whining starts. I've figured out that any temperature above 70 and below 60 triggers a blizzard of complaints.
the BJM women decided to avoid whining and head for the ocean. Beach. Gorgeous waves complete with surfers, dogs running on the sand, and little kids hopping, digging, laughing, and shrieking when the cold water hit their toes. A good chunk of the worthy citizens of SF, it seems, had declared holiday and were happily skipping out on work. I say, "Bring it on!"
A few hours at the beach with BJM's beautiful Lisa Kalenberg (a fellow midwesterner from Minnesota) and L and M - two women who have been the most faithful Community Group members.
We had so much fun. it was another small, shining goodness in a week of goodness.
Nail Day was smallish - and surprisingly beautiful. A few times, conflict or agitation began - and just as suddenly faded. M was anxious and yelling at people none of the rest of us could see. In the past, that might have meant triggering for the whole room, anger, fear, and folks looking anxiously around, asking "Are you going to kick her out?"
This time, a staff member quietly took a seat near M. "Could I look at some magazines with you?" M nodded. As the minutes passed, she became less agitated. Others saw her being loved and treated with gentleness.
later in the week, my precious stone K and I were having breakfast burritos at my fav coffee shop when A. came up. "Can I join this conversation?" A was able to speak with such kindness - and first hand, rubber-meets-the-road experience about the struggle to break out of homelessness and find stable housing. She gave advice that I couldn't - because I have never walked that road. A little interaction. Big encouragement for me (and for K, I hope)
At BJM, we just finished 12 weeks of "Brave Communication" (during which every single one of us had at least one week of "well....I wasn't brave...and i didn't communicate very well but...." Then, the whole group would encourage, listen, commiserate, and say things like, "Well, if you had a do-over, what would you say this time?"
We practiced saying things like "I feel ___________ when _____________ happens. I want ___________ ."
Or, "I apologize for saying ________. My words were unkind. I hope you can forgive me."
Or even, "I accept your apology. I recognize you are trying to make things right. I want to forgive you, but I need some time."
It was a great group. At the end, we took a couple of weeks for fun. Watched Calendar Girls (the requirement was a movie about brave women that would make us laugh). Then our beach day bonanza.
What I'm thinking about lately is "small things with great love" Mother Teresa is said to have taught that we don't have to do great things, but, instead, should seek to do small things with great love.
This week has been filled with "small things with great love." A small act of caring that helped M crawl out of the pit of anxiety and trauma. A kind word spoken without expectation....by one friend to another. An afternoon hanging at the beach doing mostly nothin'.....and enjoying every minute of it.
Small things. Great love.
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