Saturday Morning in the TL
This has been a hairy week. Monday someone had suicidal thoughts. Tuesday I didn't accomplish ANYTHING. Wednesday a woman who meets her needs by manipulation and control crashed Movie Day. By Thursday I decided nobody anywhere was allowed to have any more crises. The royal decree didn't work so well, but I tried!
With a week full of hearing stories of pain and hurt, I've been looking for wisdom. Well, mostly I've been muttering, "Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme....I don't know what on earth I'm doing."
Good thing that I'm surrounded by wise people. Here are the conversations that got me through the week (in my own words):
Jolene: No matter what happens, I can choose LIFE. It doesn't ever look the same for anyone, but in every situation, I can ask God, "What does it look like to choose life right now. Today. This minute?"
Tomorrow, it won't look like it does today. Maybe today I'm crying my eyes out. Maybe tomorrow I will have hope. But every day I can choose life.
Karol: That rhythms of discipline lead to life. That discipline isn't about punishment or 'doing right' to avoid God's displeasure. It's about practiced, steady, determined walking with Holy Spirit. In God's moment-by-moment presence. "I don't want to skip my quiet time because I don't want to miss what He has for me. The goodness of my time alone with Him."
Justine: In all the demands of being mom to three children under the age of 5, it's easy to just "keep going" and "keep doing." "I can end up believing I have to do it myself. And then I do it myself." Her wisdom is showing me how, in doing it myself I miss the opportunity to partner with God. To be carried and supported and built up by His love. Often, I can "pull it off" (what ever "it" is) but, in doing so, I miss the offer of intimacy and love that God wants to give me in the very circumstance I'm busy doing.
Laina: This week Laina recognized that she had two unique skills: a degree in nutrition and training as a life coach. So, she comes to YWAM San Francisco, intending to help staff the Discipleship Training School. A big need is someone to manage the kitchen - with 3 daily meals to cook for students, staff, speakers and other random people, someone needs to bring order out of chaos.
After a few weeks with Laina at the helm, the atmosphere of the kitchen has changed. People are coming to make coffee and hang out while she cooks. Students come to talk and help with dinner prep. She said, "Sometimes I just chop and listen."
Of course! Laina cares about feeding people good food. She cares about listening and encouraging people. She's not just managing the kitchen - she's making the kitchen into the heart of the base.
Tim: There is a difference between expectancy and expectation. The hopeful rising-up of expectancy comes from trust and a history of being loved. Of God's dependable care and Presence. Expectation is something we try to define. We expect to receive. We are expected, in turn, to earn and deserve. In expectancy, my heart is encouraged and free. In expectation, I fear disappointment. I wonder if, when things don't look the way I expected, either I have failed or God has. In expectancy, my eyes are on the always-dependable, always-trustworthy love of my Father for me.
I am so grateful to live surrounded by wise, loving people.
After a not-so-great week, I was lifted up and brought back to shining hope by the lives and thoughts of my YWAM San Francisco family.
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Solutions to Homelessness: Thoughts from the TL
I just read an interesting FB post citing an article about a Canadian city addressing homelessness i a unique way (http://aplus.com/a/canada-solves-homelessness-problems)
Because I work with, love, am friends with and daily get to hug homeless women in San Francisco, this approach to homelessness interests me very much. I've been following the outcomes in Utah as well where cities like Salt Lake are seeing pretty drastic changes in BOTH the costs of helping homeless people and the actual results in terms of health, sobriety, ability to get jobs etc.
Let me tell you one story that is a mirror of what I see EVERY TIME a homeless woman gets housing here. That housing creates a safety net where change can happen.
D. lived on the streets. She is a survivor of horrifying childhood trauma and has had a rough life - in and out of addiction and mental illness. She was married at one time and had children (It's unclear how many) Her mental illness escalated when her husband became physically abusive. Her children were taken by Child Protective Services. To this day, she grieves these children and says, "I tried. I loved them. I wanted to be a good mother."
When D lived on the streets, she used to carry a piece of 2x4 to defend herself. One day, I found her crouched on the sidewalk, pointing a piece of metal at passing cars - reflecting sunlight at them. She urgently called me to come and sit next to her. "Hurry up. If they see you, they'll catch you and put things inside of you." She assured me she would keep ME safe. (Oh Jesus! My heart cried out!). She let me pray for her, but she was pretty out of reality....Except the possibility of violence wasn't unreality.
D let the women of Because Justice Matters (BJM) love her. Let us pray with her. Sometimes came to Nail Day for coffee and brownies and kindness. BUT SHE WAS LIKE A SIEVE...SHE COULDN'T "HOLD" ANYTHING WE POURED IN BECAUSE DAILY LIFE WAS SO TRAUMATIC AND TERRIFYING.
SO...about a year later, D's application for disability was approved (I think it was the 3rd request....BLESS her case manager, who had to lead her by the hand through every single step because she was too mentally ill to follow through on anything) Then, D had some money. Her case manager had been applying for housing. Then, one day D. came and told us she "had a place" We visited. It was in a filthy building. Third world squalor was the word that came to my mind. BUT it had a roof and a door that locked and, for the first time in years (decades? who knows?) D. could actually sleep safely at hight. What happened? Nothing at first. Then, we began to see changes. She began to wash her clothes. The started using her limited funds to buy clothes at Goodwill. Who knew D. was a vintage clothing diva? She stopped burning her hair off with a BIC lighter and got a haircut when a local non-profit brought in volunteer stylists. She gained weight. And, more and more, she began to make sense. Sometimes she still is "off" She is able to remember to take her medication which really helps her mental illness. She comes to Nail Day and sometimes to The Well. We laugh with her (she's absolutely hilarious when she's feeling sane and safe). We pray as often as she feels safe enough to let us. And, not long ago, a SF photographer saw her walking through the Tenderloin wearing a gorgeous vintage coat she found at Goodwill. He saw her striking blue eyes and weather-worn but still beautiful face. A photo of D. showed up in the San Francisco Chronicle. Today, it hangs in our office as a reminder. SO in all this journey, the turning point was HOUSING.
Because I work with, love, am friends with and daily get to hug homeless women in San Francisco, this approach to homelessness interests me very much. I've been following the outcomes in Utah as well where cities like Salt Lake are seeing pretty drastic changes in BOTH the costs of helping homeless people and the actual results in terms of health, sobriety, ability to get jobs etc.
Let me tell you one story that is a mirror of what I see EVERY TIME a homeless woman gets housing here. That housing creates a safety net where change can happen.
D. lived on the streets. She is a survivor of horrifying childhood trauma and has had a rough life - in and out of addiction and mental illness. She was married at one time and had children (It's unclear how many) Her mental illness escalated when her husband became physically abusive. Her children were taken by Child Protective Services. To this day, she grieves these children and says, "I tried. I loved them. I wanted to be a good mother."
When D lived on the streets, she used to carry a piece of 2x4 to defend herself. One day, I found her crouched on the sidewalk, pointing a piece of metal at passing cars - reflecting sunlight at them. She urgently called me to come and sit next to her. "Hurry up. If they see you, they'll catch you and put things inside of you." She assured me she would keep ME safe. (Oh Jesus! My heart cried out!). She let me pray for her, but she was pretty out of reality....Except the possibility of violence wasn't unreality.
D let the women of Because Justice Matters (BJM) love her. Let us pray with her. Sometimes came to Nail Day for coffee and brownies and kindness. BUT SHE WAS LIKE A SIEVE...SHE COULDN'T "HOLD" ANYTHING WE POURED IN BECAUSE DAILY LIFE WAS SO TRAUMATIC AND TERRIFYING.
SO...about a year later, D's application for disability was approved (I think it was the 3rd request....BLESS her case manager, who had to lead her by the hand through every single step because she was too mentally ill to follow through on anything) Then, D had some money. Her case manager had been applying for housing. Then, one day D. came and told us she "had a place" We visited. It was in a filthy building. Third world squalor was the word that came to my mind. BUT it had a roof and a door that locked and, for the first time in years (decades? who knows?) D. could actually sleep safely at hight. What happened? Nothing at first. Then, we began to see changes. She began to wash her clothes. The started using her limited funds to buy clothes at Goodwill. Who knew D. was a vintage clothing diva? She stopped burning her hair off with a BIC lighter and got a haircut when a local non-profit brought in volunteer stylists. She gained weight. And, more and more, she began to make sense. Sometimes she still is "off" She is able to remember to take her medication which really helps her mental illness. She comes to Nail Day and sometimes to The Well. We laugh with her (she's absolutely hilarious when she's feeling sane and safe). We pray as often as she feels safe enough to let us. And, not long ago, a SF photographer saw her walking through the Tenderloin wearing a gorgeous vintage coat she found at Goodwill. He saw her striking blue eyes and weather-worn but still beautiful face. A photo of D. showed up in the San Francisco Chronicle. Today, it hangs in our office as a reminder. SO in all this journey, the turning point was HOUSING.
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